Once upon a time there were three little pigs, and the time came for them to leave home and seek their fortunes.  Before they left, their mother said, “As you go out there, do your best in everything and be fair and true.”  The three pigs left.
 
The first pig built a house of straw, because he did not learn a trade or skill that would pay much money, and he really enjoyed taking it easy.
 
The second pig built a house of sticks, which was middle class and within his budget.  It was a nice house, and represented a useful and comfortable home that did not strain his monthly earnings.
 
The third pig built a house of bricks, which cost much more than he thought he could afford, but which came with two more rooms than his siblings’ houses, and which had granite countertops, a garden tub, a plasma television, upgraded appliances and a very nice lot.
 
One day the big bad wolf came and saw the houses.  He started at the house of straw and said, “Little pig, little pig, let me in, or I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in.”  The little pig answered, “Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.”  The wolf puffed up his chest and took in a deep breath, but before he could exhale, something horrible happened.  A congressman showed up.  The congressman said, “You cannot blow that house down.  That house, as poor looking as it is, is the basis along with others of its like for securitized mortgage investment vehicles.  Blowing that house down could paralyze the financial system.”  The wolf growled and moved on.
 
He came to the house made of brick, and said, “Little pig, little pig, let me in, or I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in.”  The little pig answered, “Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.”  The wolf puffed up his chest and took in a deep breath, but before he could exhale, the congressman showed up again.  The congressman said, “You cannot blow that house down.  The pig who lives there lied on his mortgage application and could not really afford that brick house.  He is risking foreclosure.  We need him to remain in the house so property values will stay high and so his failed promise to pay his mortgage will not risk setting off credit derivative swap payments that could paralyze the financial system.”  The wolf growled and moved on.
 
He came to the house made of sticks, and said, “Little pig, little pig, let me in, or I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in.”  The little pig answered, “Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.”  The wolf puffed up his chest and took in a deep breath, but before he could exhale, the congressman showed up yet again.  The congressman said, “You cannot blow that house down.  We are taxing that pig’s wages and property to pay for our bailout of the investors who bet on the straw and brick houses, and to help the pig in the brick house make his mortgage payments.” 
 
The wolf was now aggravated and approached the congressman menacingly.  He said, “Well, I am very hungry and you are leaving me with nothing to eat.  Perhaps you are tasty!”  The congressman smiled, and for the first time a shiver ran down the wolf’s spine.  “My friend,” said the congressman, “I have a solution for both of us.”
 
Later, the wolf returned, his belly obviously full.  He came to the house of sticks and said, “Little pig, little pig, let me in!”  The pig responded, “Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.”  The wolf replied, “That’s unfortunate that you are being unreasonable.  I have here then a notice to garnish your wages and I am filing a lien against your home and intend to evict you.”  The little pig was shocked!  He shouted out, “What are you talking about??  I thought you were a cruel animal who meant to eat me!”  The wolf answered, “I was and I did.  But now I can prey on middle class pigs like you all day long and use the money I make to eat as much as I want!  All I have to do is take your money and property and give it to those two other pigs.” 
 
The little pig said, “I will call the police then and report this theft if my brothers have hired you to take my property and give it to them because of their bad choices and the bad choices of others.”  The wolf smiled his toothy grin, “The police are on my side, little pig.  I am now an IRS enforcement agent.” 
 
By now the other pigs had heard the commotion and came outside.  The little pig from the straw house said, “Give the wolf the money he wants!  You have it too easy as it is – I barely make ends meet because of the low paying jobs I get.  It’s only right that the wolf take some of yours and give it to me.”  The pig from the brick house joined in too, saying, “Yes!  I cannot afford my house and it is plain that I should not lose it – that would hurt me, the neighborhood and the whole nation!  I support the wolf.  You have extra money and I need it to balance my books; he should take it.”
 
The wolf smiled even bigger.  He thought, “If I had eaten them as I had originally intended, I would have had but one meal.  Now, I can take from them over and over and over, and by giving back just a little of what I take to the most vocal of them, I can keep this up for a long time.  As an unproductive, predatory, unfeeling, unfair devourer of the innocent, I can’t believe I didn’t take up a career in government long ago!!”
 
And they lived happily ever after, except for the middle class pig, who had to go to work every day and turn over his earnings to the wolf to support the unknown investors, their agent the congressman, his agent the wolf and the other pigs who joyfully voted the congressman back into office.

The End.

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