Both groups are complete idiots, and I’ll explain why. But first some preliminaries on Jesus and the definition of Christmas.
There is a long-standing question arising from the New Testament. Jesus indicated in several instances that his final return would be coming shortly, so why hasn’t he returned? Let me ask this: assuming Jesus is up in heaven with the plan to come back, why would he be in any hurry to get back here where he’ll have to deal with billions of idiots? Answer: He wouldn’t be in any hurry; he was crucified here the first time, and the next time he might just be aggravated to death. The good news is that means the world will carry on for a long time, and we’ll have plenty of Christmas seasons to fight over.
What is Christmas? Well, Christmas is a special time when we celebrate an eternal being who is loving, kind, and never knew wrong, who sits above us in a place we’d all love someday to visit, loves us, knows our hearts, and will ultimately judge us accordingly. This being can’t be seen, but you can feel him in your heart. I’m talking about, of course, Santa Claus. What, did you think I was talking about Jesus? Ok, same stuff applies to Jesus, except he doesn’t give you presents every year, and you’re supposed to keep believing in him until you die. So, Christmas is when we celebrate the birth of God’s son by putting a tree in our house with balls and lights on it, buying lots of stuff, and convincing kids about the invisible man who will bring toys if they’ll be good and believe, and the invisible man who will not burn them in a fiery pit forever if they’re good and believe.
Prelude over; on to the idiocy.
Idiot Group One: Christmas Defenders
Idiot Group One includes people who are outraged that various retailers advertise consumer goods under the banner of holidays rather than using the name of Christ to sell mass-manufactured goods of little or no enduring value. Amazingly, this group is comprised totally of people who call themselves Christians! That’s right, people who allegedly revere Christ as the Son of God get upset when corporate entities do not use His name to help push Playstation 3’s, HD-DVD’s, plush robes, and whatever other junk people generally buy at Christmas. You’d think invoking Christ in a retail manner would be considered using His name in vain, but not according to these idiots. Pardon the pun, but Holy Shit!
One group, called Liberty Counsel, is kind enough to inform Idiot Group One of which retailers should be considered “foe” for their “naughty” behavior. Naughty retailers include K-Mart, which apparently references “Holiday Shop” instead of Christmas Shop, and (how unholy is this??) “Some local store managers may be hanging Christmas signs, but the company does not appear to be celebrating Christmas.” They don’t appear to be celebrating Christmas? They don’t appear? Jesus had some words to say about people who worried about how things appeared, and about people who were more worried about appearances than substance. They weren’t kind words.
On the friend side for “nice” behavior includes KB Toys for its “Giant Christmas Stocking” and Dollar Tree for “Report: A Sanford, FL store manager plans to say ‘Merry Christmas.’” I’m not making this up.
Attention Idiot Group One: There isn’t anything in the Bible that remotely suggests that Jesus would have sought the endorsement of mega-corporations to celebrate his birthday or would have thought anything positive about using the occasion of his birth to push consumer goods in a shopping orgy.
Idiot Group Two: Christmas Cowards
Idiot Group Two includes people who, under the banner of tolerance and fear of litigation, make every possible effort to avoid the use of the term Christmas to refer to the holiday generally and legally known as Christmas. Interestingly, I have not met anyone of a non-Christian faith or atheist who has made an issue out of the mention of Christmas. These people get the attention when they make the headlines, but the unsung heroes who really wage the war against the mention of Christmas are those corporate and government bureaucrats who are too lazy to learn the law to understand that there is no prohibition against the mention of Christmas. Spineless, cowardly companies that send out “season’s greetings” cards reflect the hard non-work of the drones who produce their policies. Here, I give props to Liberty Counsel for pointing out an example of this in their aforementioned naughty or nice list. They claim Kohl’s avoids mentioning Christmas but nevertheless has a “Hanukkah” section. If that’s true, it just goes to show how stupid political correctness really is.
The Answer
The way the war on Christmas should play out is this: the holiday on December 25th should be called Christmas, because that’s the name of the holiday, by anyone referring to that holiday. Everyone should be happy with this. Why? It is not a religious holiday!! It’s about a guy in a red suit who comes out of the sky and puts under your holiday tree all the junk your parents bought at Wal-Mart during their “Christmas” sale or at K-Mart during their “Holiday” sale. I promise you, that has nothing at all to do with Jesus. I’ve read the book, I know.
So go on and say “Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!” and keep America’s economic engine of consumer consumption rolling.
As for me, I'll be very good, because you know Santa and his helpers are watching...
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