Homoyoudont is a prescription medication designed to treat
the chemical imbalances that cause males to go fairy. If
you or someone you know exhibits any of the symptoms
described below, Homoyoudont may be for you (or your
"friend").
Let's take a case study.
Look at the guy above. He's got: a hat
with pastels; a sack-tickling goatee; a coat that should
only be worn by a Sherpa; shorts that Michael Jackson would
be too manly to wear (zippers on your thighs???), and socks
with sandals. This outfit combines about as many
knobgobbling elements as you can put on one person.
If you're wearing this kind of outfit,
see your doctor, and ask for prescription Homoyoudont. And
no, you don't need a prostate exam to get it, although the
way you're dressing maybe your appointment should be with
Dr. Phil MacKracken and Nurse Wilma Fingerdo.
Many cases are milder than the one shown above though, and
if treated early can be contained and sometimes even cured.
Often the disorder presents itself with "I'll blow you"
fashion choices, many of which have been discussed
in Straight Eye for the Straight
Guy. Below are
other symptoms and recommended treatment dosages.
Sandals and
Socks: 40 mg of Homoyoudont
If the outbreak starts at your feet, it is usually a mild
case and can be handled with a moderate dosage. The urge to
wear socks with sandals is unnatural and if left untreated
can lead to more serious conditions described below.
Chrysler
Sebring: 60 mg of Homoyoudont
Look, forget the crap ball-lacking girlie-men spew about a
car being just transportation from point A to B. You know
and I know and every hittable woman on the planet knows
that your car is an extension of who you are. A 68 Camaro
big block tells women that you are alpha male. You're
riding the warhorse. A Sebring says, "I wish I could wear
heels and a wig, and maybe sometimes, at home, during quiet
times, I do." A Sebring is a girl's car, flat out. No
single man should have anything in his life named Sebring.
Take Homoyoudont and trade that girl-wagon Sebring in on a
Mazda 3 and do some autocross or if you're cashing big
checks get a Viper and remember why traffic lights are fun.
Crocs: 150
mg of Homoyoudont
If a man says he loves walking on his crocs, he needs to be
talking about these:
Because if you're talking about these:
You are a traitor to your Y chromosome. A circus clown
would laugh at those shoes. Then that circus clown would
kill you. And finally:
Popped
Collar on Pink Shirt: 200 mg of Homoyoudont (every
hour)
At what point in life did you give up? You and your
boyfriends may be in denial, and maybe you even hook up
with some skanks to keep up the illusion, but you need to
face reality. If you're wearing a pink shirt, you're on the
edge. You're either a budding mansword-swallower or you've
got a big pair of balls. But if you pop that collar, even
once, you're asking for a high-protein ballshake. Please,
if you put a pink shirt on and pop the collar, let that be
the last thing you do before you use a chainsaw to brush
your teeth.
Now, if all the advice doesn't help, and if the Homoyoudont
doesn't help, you're on your own. I'm done trying to help
you.
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