Every time something terrible happens to a lot of people, the shallow selfish people come out and proclaim it the will of the divine.

In America, prominent people blamed 9/11 on the sins of our country. Some of the same people blamed the sins of the people of New Orleans for the Katrina disaster. AIDS was sent to punish homosexuals. In other lands with other religions, the verdict is the same: God will not be mocked, and punishes the wicked. This message goes out to those brave souls who, instead of pitching in and helping the victims of natural catastrophes, stand by and speak for God while others suffer.

There is a problem with this theory though, and only one problem. It is completely wrong. In fact, I dare say in God’s eyes it would be better to have male on male sex (and I’m hetoro-only baby!) than to take God’s name in vain by calling God an enraged child-killer. What, didn’t call Him that? Yes you did you wretch. In 9/11, little babies died on those airplanes. Little babies who hadn’t hurt anyone. If God wanted to, he could have caused their moms to miss the flights to spare the babies, or just had them survive the crash, but that didn’t happen. So, if God caused 9/11, God killed babies, on purpose. Same thing for Katrina. Up and down the coast, never mind New Orleans, people died. Little children died. Little children who were, until that horrible day, comforted by a simple stuffed animal and who only wanted to love and be loved, died. God did that? On purpose? That’s what you say. God also kills children when they get HIV positive from a blood transfusion. Why is God a child-killer? Why is your God a child-killer?

Now, what about those souls who risked life and limb to save people on 9/11, or from the ravages of Katrina? Instruments of the devil! How dare they thwart God’s will to punish the wicked! Go tell them that to their faces, assholes.

And if there is anything to this divine design of natural catastrophes, consider these logical conclusions:

1. God hates beach people. Every hurricane seems to strike the coast first, when the hurricane is at its most powerful. Coincidence? Do not mock God! People who live or recreate at the beach are mocking the creator! They must be smited!

2. God hates people who live in trailers. Every time there is a tornado, someone who lives in a trailer gets interviewed and talks about how it sounded like a train coming. I guess it tastes like chicken too. But when will they get it? They are angering the almighty God by living in trailers! He sends the tornadoes as a sign of His wrath!

3. God hates poor people who live near mountains in South America. That’s right: those poor people in non-code homes anger the righteous Lord! He sends landslides to wash them and their babies away. Thank God for cleansing the sin!

Doesn’t make sense does it? If God is love and if God is right, why does he sound like a hateful murderer when you describe him? Look in the mirror: that’s you jabbering not God, so remember you speak for yourself and no one else, and when you say people deserved to die, when children deserved to die, it’s on your account and no one else’s.

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