Throw out Justin Timberlake and you've got three things going for the movie, but they just don't work together.
The premise is this: Christina Ricci and Samuel Jackson need their souls saved. The way they do it is this: Samuel Jackson chains up Ricci in her underwear until she decides that's doing her a favor.
SPOILER ALERT: There are no spoilers in this movie.
This movie tries hard to explore the gritty underbelly of Southern Culture, but it misses on every count and seems stupid trying (Oooh, white girl wears shirt with confederate flag on it around black people and has sex with black guys! The drama!). The director doesn't trust you at all. Any of the three or so points he tries to make he repeats to you over and over just to make sure you get the point.
1. Ricci is a ho. To make sure you know
this, Ricci never wears clothes in the movie, and has to
scratch herself if she is denied copulation for any period
longer than five minutes, and nails any character not
critical to the redemption theme.
2. Jackson is fallen and needs to rise again. His name?
Lazarus. I'm surprised it's not Lazarus Phoenix.
3. Redemption can be found by breaking out the old Gibson,
tuning it up, and playing it on an amp during a
thunderstorm. Ok, I buy this when you have a hot chick
hanging onto your leg like Jackson does.
Jackson finds Ricci beat to a pulp and brings her in his
house. Despite the fact that she looks hot in nothing but
her underwear and half-shirt, he leaves her like that,
neither nailing her nor getting her any clothes. He chains
her up, and she can't get away. Eventually, they like each
other and go to a blues club together. The end.
Dumbest moments:
1. When Ricci tries to pull at the radiator to which she's
chained, Jackson looks at it and says, "We will not be
moved." Cue back to the scene with his ho-bag ex-wife
bitching about that radiator tearing her up and Jackson
defending it saying, "It kept us warm for 17 years." Who
talks about radiators during a blow-out break-up session?
People who intend to chain other people to that radiator,
that's who. Really, if a radiator warranted this much
attention in the script and in the production, you should
have known you were running thin.
2. Ricci in her underwear. Granted this is a masterstroke,
because you will not turn off this movie as long as the
promise of Ricci appearing stretching her taut stomach in
an effort to expose the bottom half of her tight breasts
with nothing on but white panties and a half-shirt is still
being kept. Nevertheless, she spends a substantial amount
of time in those undies, days, getting nailed, running in
fields, falling in yards, crawling, whatever, yet from
scene to scene they always look freshly drawn from a dryer.
Was this film sponsored by Hanes Her Way?
The summary?
Plot: No.
Hot Chick: Yes.
Samuel Jackson: Yes.
Chuck Norris: No.
Naked Hot Chick: Yes.
Blowing Things Up: No.
Motorcycle: No.
Sweet new sunglasses: No.
Of the the eight points available for this genre, the movie
scored only three. Nevertheless, one of those was Naked Hot
Chick, so this movie gets a full endorsement! See it soon!
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